With Joy Comes Sadness

It is September. I should be at an optimal excitement period. In a month, the wedding will be happening. There are only a handful of things to do now. As they say, it is the final stretch.

But I am not excited. I am in a weird place. I am trying to fight the malaise that is creeping in. Each morning, I feel a little less happy and a little more – not really sad per se, but Blah.

I feel blah. I think it might be some left over feelings from my past. I think it might have to do with finally coming to terms with my last job not being an optimal environment for me. I did not thrive at all. Instead, I bled out slowly.

I bled out my creativity. I bled out self confidence. I bled out money. I bled out pride. For eight years, I sat there and let it feed on me. When I tried to perform triage, I could never tie the tourniquet  tight enough.

The bleeding has stopped and I feel better than I have in years. But right now, my mind is telling me that I still have a lot of healing to go. This currently malaise is my mind’s way of telling me that.

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