Can I relax yet?

Last week, was a week of worry over health insurance. My current insurance coverage expires at the end of this month, three days after my surgery. I was worried the hospital would try to bill my insurance and be denied, thus my husband and I having to foot the bill. Thankfully, my new coverage will begin November.

I also had to rush up north of here to pick up my marriage certificate so I could be added to my husbands coverage. Yesterday, we learned that my coverage on his policy was effective, retroactively, to our marriage date.

Now, I am well covered. I can relax, right? Well, yes. And no.

I should be able to relax. But I cannot. Now, all that remains is a pre-op appointment and prep for the surgery. I have two weeks to go. I should keep busy. I want to keep busy.

But I am also shutting down. I want to sleep, but I cannot sleep. I want to write my Advanced Directive, but I am afraid to. I want to clean the apartment from top to bottom, but I still have time to do that. I want to drop the remaining three pounds before the surgery.

I want to reach out to family, but I am afraid to pick up the phone or start an email. I am out of sorts. All I can do right now is focus on what is in front of me. Usually, I make a list of what needs to be done and I calm down. Yet, right now, I am hesitant to make that list. Why?

It is a routine procedure. Lots of women have this done. Why, suddenly, am I affected?


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