Change

The days are getting shorter, the air a little cooler. Around me I see the world changing, transitioning from one season to the next, from one holiday to the next. It is so easy to embrace changes around me, even get excited for them. Yet I am having a hard time not embracing change when it involves me.

Normally, I love change. I love transitioning as fate throws at me. However, I have a hard time changing what currently ails me most – stress. My stress levels have been running high for too long and it is affecting my in all aspects of my life. I am finding myself making mistakes where I normally do not do so. I don’t make many mistakes, but lately, it seems that it is all I do. And as the mistakes pile up, I become more stressed. The more stressed I am becoming, to more unhappy I am.

I do not want to be unhappy any longer. I want to change that.

It should be easy. I should be able to tell myself that “okay, this direction you are going has been the wrong direction for quite some time now. It is time to change it up, and transition to something less stressful, less soul-draining, and more fulfilling.” Why would I want to remain in a state where my soul is being drained? Why would I want to remain someplace where my soul is beaten down? Why would I continue to allow myself to feel abused, both from external and internal forces? Why am I not doing something with my life that makes me feel fulfilled, in at least part of it?

Because, I fear change.

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