I am hiding behind excuses. For two years, my posts here have been infrequent, sometimes filled with humor, sometimes frustration, and sometimes with reflection. I have been scatterbrained, to say the least. But there a reason – a theory, my theory – for it.
For the past decade + 3 years, I have been wandering around avoiding asking myself some deeply important question(s):
- What is my purpose?
- What is it I want to do in life?
- What is my voice? My direction?
When I have tried to answer these questions, my thought process would fight and scatter my thoughts. I found venting about unfortunate souls who had a tendency to make an ass out of themselves in front of me. Instead of sorting out what to do next, I wrote about what the aroma of the gym during peak hours. By being scattered, I avoided
I have reached a point in my life where I feel I need to make some tough decisions. Either I continue to go with the flow, with minimal effort needed, continue to be disgusted with myself as well as continue to avoid the deeply important questions. Or, I push back against the flow, work hard, make some sacrifices, do what I know I should be doing, and feel emotionally satisfied.
Truth be told, I know what I need to do. Actually writing out, seeing it visually, instead of as a string of words within my head makes it real.
There is going to be a lot of changes going on. The complacency voice inside my head will put up a fight, but I will be strong. I am going to muzzle that little bugger.
You wait and see.