It has been almost a year since I began looking at my life, trying to figure out what is missing. Nothing really shouted out at me initially. As the months past, I continued trying to sort it out. It was not companionship. It had nothing to do with money. It was something else. Around the time the holidays wound down, I figured it out. I was missing passion. I no longer held passion for anything.
I use to paint or draw for hours. I would listen to music, I would go out and dance. I would surround myself with like-minded people, inspired by them. I was a free spirit, doing what I wanted, when I wanted.
For a while, years, I have been going through the motions, not feeling, not absorbing, but instead I was being robotic. I would rise in the morning, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, then sleep. The next morning, I would do the same thing. I was not allowing myself any opportunities to feel, to enhance or to express. I was nothing. Nothing was not me. It was time for me to change. To become passionate again. To create, to be expressive, to be me. But how?
I started to look at my life, look at my patterns. There I found distractions, which deter me away from the creative, etc. These distractions include, television, lots of television, confusion, doubt, fear, lack of motivation, laziness, lack of complacency.
I come home from work, tired and drained, I turn on the TV, telling myself it is only for a minute. 5 hours later, I am still in front of the TV, changing channels. I am not going outdoors, I am not listening to music, I am not exploring my creativity, I just am.
Today, I take a stand. I am going to cut out the distractions, whether they are objects, commitments, mental or physical. I am going to replace those distractions with creative pursuits, whether it is painting, drawing, walking, reading, cooking, or just sitting around, letting my mind explore its surroundings. I am getting away from distractions, become passionate again, and returning to what is most important to me, being free.