I had a online conversation with a friend today. He is someone whom I have been unfair to lately. He is also someone whose opinion I value. He wrote some very insightful things. So, I took in what he wrote and muddled over it while stuck in traffic. And, here is what came of that muddling.
I described myself as wanting things to have calm waters.
I try to please everyone. I want everyone to be happy. I want no conflict. But I am deluding myself. I cannot please everyone. I should not please everyone. I don’t want to please everyone. The only person I should be pleasing is myself.
So sorry everyone, but screw you.
I’ve been living in the void for so long now that I have completely forgotten what it was like to live and not worry. I worry too much. Always have, most likely always will. It’s genetic. But it does not mean that I have to stop living. I have put my life on hold for too long. It is time to move forward. Time to stop caring, start worrying, stop pleasing and start living.